When I got married, the first and only thing people wanted to ask me about was when I was having a baby. No one asked my new husband that.
But no one asked me about anything else.
Not about how school was going. I was in university at the time. Or about how work was going. I had just been promoted to a management position. Never about how the apartment was. We had just moved).
This started on our wedding day, literally. It continued every time we told anyone we were married. The conversation was always the same…
Them: “Oh, do you have kids?”
Them: “When are you planning on having them?”
What a creepy and invasive thing to inquire about.
People have so many milestones in their life. Bearing children isn’t one of them for everybody. Either by choice, or otherwise.
The reality of fertility
Another issue within infertility is miscarriage. 10%-25% of all recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage.
Infertility can happen to anyone. But it is devastating when it happens to someone who’s trying to conceive. It is not your fault if you’re struggling with fertility issues. You did nothing wrong.
The Next Step
We need to stop defining womanhood by someone’s ability to bear children. This is insensitive to cisgender women, tranwomen, and also transmen. We also need to normalize the choice not to have children.
My take away is this: please do everyone with a uterus (and without) a favour and don’t ask about their reproductive plans.Unless you are entirely confident you won’t be making them uncomfortable in doing so.
I’d love to know…
How do you support someone struggling with infertility?
Question of the Week
Should the internet be selectively censored?
Studies have proven that exposure to certain forms of online content leads to an increased likelihood to dehumanize a specific group of people or even commit violent acts against them. Two significant examples to point to are violent porn and hate crimes. What are your thoughts on online censorship for some types of content? Should censorship exist? If so, who controls it, and to what extent? Can we trust them to remain ethical with this control? If not, how do we justify the harm that comes to people as a result of a lack of censorship? Who would be most negatively impacted and why?
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